(:

2005-03-13T20:21:00.000-08:00

relink okay!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/0911love/

cheers!

2005-03-13T11:47:00.000-08:00

Right, I finally can blog!

So there was the lifeskills' camp...which I tremendously enjoyed(: and I kinda miss it right now... since it's the last camp 203 will have together ever again...

It's really cool, the way our classmates look out for each other. and the way each of us unfolds from our shell. had fun discovering more about everyone. unlike last year, when we knew nothing about each other at all, and probably felt utmost discomfort at the idea of sleeping next to each other.

If conflicts would bring us closer together, if quarrels would dissolve into love, if unity could defeat all odds, if togethernesss could melt away the uneasiness, and warmth could spark a thousand friendships.

every experience, every lesson learnt. once bitten twice shy, but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

anyway, i really liked the river crossing and water activities! and i think our instructors were really funky yeaa! hurhur (CONNIE! EDDY!)

so now im super super tanned( like im not dark enough already >.<) and ive put on weight, i think. all the fattening (vegetarian) food hoho. well but i think this lsc is really very relaxed and slack. i mean, packet food every meal, egg tarts hotdog buns chocolate swiss rolls and pau! it's amazing how the school spoils us but as long as i dont have to consume dry milo powder(yea, maria said they had to, at OBS), im not complaining!

the nights were the best. vivid images of stargazing with my hubby (zijing) and bern dearest and nicole and jialer and limpeh and eunice still flashes in my mind. the diadem of stars that sparkled above us was beautiful.

so anyhow we couldnt sleep the first night, and started talking. bao started telling me about gackt and his lifestory...and then i started talking to bern dearest about some *ahem* stuff...and then limpeh and eunice got attracted by the noise came over and we all started talking before falling into deep slumber.

the second night we got back really late after the campfire (which was really cool! 205 left a deep impression on me-anyhow i was cheering my heart out for mel and yichan and lihong, and the dances were all very well cheorographed. if only we did something like that instead of cheerleading! xD) and then we were Super Hungry so we munched on biscuits. a big metal tin of biscuits passed around among us in the duration of the camp so whenever we are hungry we were allowed to munch on them ;) it was those kinda old traditional squarish biscuits, with abit of sugar sprinkled on the top. it probably tasted the best it could taste during camp, cos we were hungry and had nothing to eat, but anyhow we loved those biscuits! after which we finally drifted off to dreamland, and limpeh had to ditch her idea of ________ lest they faint during the telematches the following day.

telematches were okay, fine, didnt win anything but was very fun. 103 got best class for talentime! we were cheering for them all the way. how proud were we.

so that was about all!

here's a extremely sweet thankyou, topped up with strawberry jellies and chocolate rice, with butterscotch marshmellos and fruit candies, to everyone who helped me along the way during the camp! especially bao, bern dearest, eunice, limpeh, amandy banana... <33

resolved conflicts, healed wounds, mended hearts.

broken smiles.

that sparkle in your eye when you talk to me, as if i am some positive addiction to your life.
i cant tell you how much i love you!

2005-03-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

ONE thing u believe in
1) myself.

TWO songs in ur mind right now
1) larger than life 2) bring me to life (all the life stuff :])

THREE wishes u have
1) syf gold with HONOURS!!!!
2) be more flex. (otherwise during dance will lose alot of face man)
3) more time to slack and go wild!

FOUR people always at heart
1) her
2) her
3) edison
4) myself (RIGHT)

FIVE of ur characteristics
1) slow
2) lame
3) messy(or expressive haha)
4) funky! =)
5) dopey.

SIX things that u look for in the opposite gender or things abt them dat attract u
1) voice 2) height!!3) personality4) smile 5)the way they do things to make you happy 6) the way they try whatever they can to make up with you after a fight

SEVEN things u think u are good at
1) digressing
2) being lame
3) putting myself down
4) holding my temper
5)slacking!
6) bingeing
7) being depressed

EIGHT things u hope to get
1) adidas/kappa sneakers
2) syf gold with honors
3) grade 6 piano certificate (Cries)
4) contacts.
5) to see people around me happy
6) love
7) new uh bag?
8) your point.

NINE movies that u have watched and like
1) lilo and stitch
2) all the harrypotter movies.
3) phaaatom of the opera
4) NATIONAL TREASURE
5) moving targets
6) princess diaries 1 and 2
7) the haunted mansion
8) the forgotten
9) wimbledon!

TEN of ur favorite bands/artists1) edison
2) daniel
3) westlife
4) michelle branch
5) evanescence
6) gareth gates 7
7) simple plan
8) S.H.E
9) fish leong
10) lindsay lohan

2005-03-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

I saw her crying, and i couldnt help it, i started crying too. i let the tears flow. they tasted salty, bitter. these were tears of exasperation, sorrow, confusion, loneliness.

if only you wouldnt break out hearts, if only you would hear us out, if only you would hold your peace for a second and listen to what we have to say. if only you would respect us as you expect us to do to you. if only you would consider our feelings carefully, if only you would treat us just like you treat your other friends. after all, we must be something to you. if not, her.

i dont care if you hate me forever, but please love her.
from the bottom of your heart.
sincerely.

cos when she cries, i wouldnt be able to help it. i'll start crying too.

2005-03-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

I made a Quiz for You on QuizYourFriends.com
CLICK on the link below or PASTE it into your browser.http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050303025202-919842

2005-03-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

[_] snuck out of the house
[x] gotten lost in your city
[x] seen a shooting star
[x] had a serious surgery
[x] gone out in public in your pajamas
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[_] been in a fist fight
[x] been arrested
[_] done drugs
[_] Had alcohol
[x] laughed and had milk/coke come outof your nose
[x] pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[_] swore at your parents
[x] been in love
[x] been close to love
[x] been to a casino
[x] been skydiving
[x] broken a bone
[x] been high- always
[x] skinny-dipped
[_] skipped school*horrified*
[_] flashed someone
[_] saw a therapist
[x] played spin the bottle
[_] gotten stitches
[x] drank a whole gallon of milk in onehour-- or water
[x] bitten someone
[_] been to Disneyland
[x] gotten the chicken pox
[x] kissed a member of the same sex
[x] crashed into a friend's car
[_] been to Japan
[x] ridden in a taxi d u h
[x] shoplifted
[_] been fired
[x] had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
[_] stolen something from your job
[_] gone on a blind date
[x] lied to a friend
[x] had a crush on a teacher
[_] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
[_] been to Europe
[_] slept with a co-worker
[_] been married
[_] gotten divorced
[_] had children
[x] seen someone die
[_] had a close friend die
[_] been to Africa
[_] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[_] Been to Canada
[_] Been to Mexico
[x] Been on a plane
[_] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[_] Thrown up in a bar
[_] Purposely set a part of myself on fire
[x] Eaten Sushi
[_] Been snowboarding
[x] Met someone in person from the internet
[x] lost a child
[_] gone to college
[_] graduated college
[_] done hard drugs
[x] tried killing yourself
[x] fired a gun DUH!
[x] purposely hurt yourself
[x] taken painkillers
(more than 5 are faaake, HEHEHE)

Message: I AM : jiaaamiin
I WANT : to eat without ever getting fat (PLEASE!)
I WISH : to get into IP. and meet edison. =)
I HATE : pretentious people. people who get your hopes high up, then shatter them all in the next moment.
I MISS : you.
I FEAR : failing at anything.
I HEAR : bring me to life
I WONDER : why im not feeling sick now
I REGRET : not doing what i should have done, and doing what i should not have done
I LOVE: you
I ALWAYS: sing, eat, sleep, eat, slack, eat, exercise, EAT.
I DANCE: mo li hua.
I SING: ihaveadream
I CRY: cos mommy! he broke my barbie doll.
I LOST: oh, everything
IM CONFUSED: how come i can diet forever and yet not able to slim down:(
I NEED: money, love, edison.
I SHOULD: go exercise
Yes or No
u keep a diary: yea
u like to cook: yea bah
u hav a secret u hav not shared with anyone: yea
u believe in love: above all things.
Wan to get married: yea.
Think u're a health freak : sometimes. im obsessed with yoghurt and healthbars and fruits and salads and veggies. but i pig out on sinful stuff. WAHHH.
Get along with ur parents: very well. most of the time.
Favourite NUMBER(S): 3. 10.
COLORS: red limegreen(smirks) grey white black blue orange.
MONTHS: june.
SEASON: autumn!
CHOCOLATE MILK OR VANILLA: la chocolat!
SUSHI OR FISH FILLET: sushi, less fattening. (BRRR)
THE BEACH OR THE MALL: the mall.maybe.
DAY OR NIGHT: night! yoruu.
CHRISTMAS OR CHINESE NEWYEAR/HARI RAYA?: christmas.
GIFT OR MONEY: under what circumstances?
LETTER OR E-MAIL: snailmail ;)SHLU! *nudge*
THE PIANO OR THE GUITAR: piano AND guitar! WHOO and the harp yay
NIKE OR ADIDAS: hmm. nike.
REEBOK OR CONVERSE: converse
ANIMALS OR PLANTS: animals
PHONE OR PERSON: person.
HOME OR OUTSIDE: home.
HOT OR COLD: cold.
BOUGHT SOMETHING: uhh
GONE TO THE MOVIES? : d u h
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? :......
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? : d u h
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: yea
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? : yea
HUGGED SOMEONE? : of course lar.
PLAYED ANY GAMES ONLINE? : heheh.yea

I THINK IM GOING TO GET MULTI COLOURED BRACES TOMORROW!!!

oops sorry. too excited. it's my last time fitting for braces. YEAAH! <33

cheer up fel! <3333333333333333333333

2005-02-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

Kind soul who left that box of precious moments candies on my table during lunch break today. please please come to me and identify yourself thank you (:

2005-02-27T20:29:00.000-08:00

decided to do this quiz. dont feel like hitting my french books. mmmhm;

mr right
1. Confident or shy? abit of both. confidence is good, but shyness makes him cute.
2. Cute or Cool?abit of both too.
3. Chinito or big eyes?anything lahh.
4. Friendly or picky?friendly. d u h
5. Fashionable or casual?both. :
6. Interesting or funny? BOTH. ergh.
7. Mysterious or out-in-the-open? out in the open. i dont like people who plays hard to get haha.
8. Intelligent or witty?both.
9. Conversationalist or more than words? ?
10.Rich or middle class? doesnt matter.
11.Romantic or buddy type?romantic AND budding. both...
12.Intellectual or sporty?BOTH.
(this quiz is getting nowhere)
13.Cuddly or has to be a good kisser?cuddly i guess :
14.nice teeth or nice eyes? both!
15.Understanding or patient? dont they sorta, brings it all back to the same thing?
16.Musician or athlete? doesnt really matter (:
17.Smoker or non-smoker?non smoker. d u h
18.Drinker or non-drinker?er.
19.Traditional or go-with-the-flow?go with the flow
20.Adventure seeker or laid back? adventure seeker.
22.Long or short hair?short!
23.tall or high? what HIGH? : as long as he's 8cm or more taller than me. which means he's gotta be quite short. bleargh.
24.Wear glasses or contact lens? doesnt matter.
25.Good listener or good teller? both!
26.Is there a guy like your type? nope. (that's how lucky im with guys huh eheh)

crap quiz.

another one.
lalala~
Now: blogging, and watching zheng gu wang at the same time =)
LAST THING(s) I...
Bought: two boxes of orange tic tacs! <33 tic tacs.
Read:angels and demons.
Watched on VCD: moving targets (YUHUI!)
Watched on DVD: harrypotter or smth.
PREFER..
Club/house: house
Cats/dogs: depends. xD
Pen/pencil: pen
Gloves/mittens: gloves- i dont cook! dont need mittens. hah.
Food/candy: chocolate. make that TOBLERONE. or tic tac. wahah!
Cassette/CD: CD lar. havent used a cassette for dunnohowlong.
Coke/Pepsi: same.
Matches/lighter: :

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
Kill: creator of happy tree friends.
Kiss: -
Hug: her. but better not lest they say im obsessed or smth. HAHA.
FAVORITE..
Color: rosyred white black grey blue orange limegreen sherbetyellow
shoes: sneakers! (DEFINITELY NOT THE CHOIR PUMPS)
Handphone: coloured, camera, radio. i guess.
Song: too many! Fool again? i have a dream? ehh. alot alot more.
vegetable: i LOVE all sorts of veggie. especially lady fingers and kangkong.
Fruit: plum!guava!apple!
LAST...
Last movie you saw: forgot
Last phone number you called: her lor.
Last song you heard: bring me to life
Last thing you had to drink : moms seaweed soup (SLURP)
Last thing you ate:dinner.
Last time you showered: yesterday (i know i stink)
Last time you smiled: when she came online.
Last time time you laughed: just now when i told my brother the stupid racist joke.
Last thing you said: yea.
DO YOU...
sleep wif animal: lots since people gave me so many for my birthday. theres hotdog the sausage dog. that cute mashimaro. that OOOOH winnie the pooh. tare panda from felicia...
Read the newspaper: duhh.
Believe in miracles: not really...anymore.
Believe in astrology: mhmm.
Believe in magic: no.
Wear hats: i only wear caps! =D
Have any tattoos:will never
Hate yourself: yar lar.
Like your handwriting: sometimes.
Believe in witches: nope.
Trust others easily: kinda
Miss someone: YOU!

2005-02-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

sorry to everyone especially people like sera and sars. who's been putting up with me long enough. guess i have been kinda. hard to get along with? maybe, i just like to make things difficult for myself. yeaa.

( i cant help it if you dont like me but i like you and i'll be nice to you too(: no matter what)

oh yea. I finally got angels and demons from jinyao yay.
ahh i realised, i love eating tic tac orange flavour sweets! =) the boxy ones. haha.
and of course toblerone. (rocksrocksrocksrocksrocks)

(i wanna rock with you!)

Hoho, we are doing amazing mathematical discoveries for maths SIA. its gonna be so cool man.

(because. i like me better when im with you.)

hmmm. francais petit test tomrrow! havent really...studied. haha. theres actually nothing much going on in my life now. and how i havent written the ugly duckling thing. ACCKKKKK!

(frozen inside without your touch without your love darling!)

save me from the nothing ive become.

(bring me to life)

im sorry okay.
I know you dont care anymore. It doesnt matter to you. no matter what i say. you'll only ever listen to her.
pointless entry but whatever!

2005-02-26T17:14:00.000-08:00

i realised i have been a real witch. because of my depression everyone around me is like suffering my tantrums and tempers...eye rolling incidents and snidey remarks. and i can feel the empathy...to marissa, i hope you are fine. jolene. take things easier okay? you cant be worse than me and i can practically understand how you feel. and especially to bernice. it's my fault. i shouldnt have forced you ( i think i sorta did...) to be the leader for om. now you are self reproaching for the failure we are facing... and im just feeling horribly guilty for not doing more than i could. or maybe i just like to play victim. whatever i know i have been doing my best trying to get the whole freaking group to hurry up but no one listens, except for those understanding ones. that ~~female dog of a teacher~~ person is totally incorrigible. anyway... i see that you are feeling guilty about not doing your job as a leader well enough but i still wanna say kudos! to you. because you have that sense of urgency and awareness. dont take it too hard upon yourself... you know if you broke, i would bend and support you. but all the same i dont wanna see you so sad over stuff.

i always thought if we just worked hard enough we could pull through.
load of bullshit.
(om's bad enough without you telling me about it every freaking minute of my life)

to felfel and amandybanana, and of course chityin. loyal taggers of my blog, thanks so much. and then there's always bobdog. maybe i could learn to count more on people. and let people count on me. somehow, i feel that now i really know who i can really count on, who should just shut their ___ up, who should just buzz off and quit breathing down my neck, and who i know will be there, even if nothing's gonna come out of it. of course...there are those who visit my blog but dont tag, just wanna say...sorry if i freaked you out with my. pmsy mood or something.

Oh yea not to mention im feeling darn stressed up even after the tests, i dont know whyyy. and then there's the people around you. sometimes cca makes me cry too. not to mention third lang and piano and all the extra stuff. i know im falling behind. therefore im going to do something to kick myself back up.

hey, something's gotta give okay.

2005-02-26T14:47:00.000-08:00

give me a week. i'll get over everything. i promise(:

2005-02-25T21:05:00.000-08:00

what shit. its like term one only and im getting myself into _________. my tests were horribly done, i have a sinking feeling im not going to do too good. plus that ____ om i really dont wanna do. and stop asking me about om. im saying once. and for all. its hell sickening to hear you going on and on about stuff. we know you guys are coping FANTABULOUSLY and we are like struggling in deepshit but you dont have to rub it in. come on lah. and its also very frustrating to get asked about om by you when you obviously know what my answers will be. and to the rest come on lah. you guys didnt do any work and you want to be nominated for the --- competition? even us who did all the work KNOW that we wouldnt have a chance. priority. we dont have all the time in the world to finish up the bloody thing for you so that you can shake your a*s all the way to florida. and not to mention we dont have the brains, so yea. dont blame me, i need to let this all out, and its not like anyone reads this freaking blog anyway. i know im earning myself lotsa condescending stares, snorts and sulks but who gives two hoots. im telling you i despise your attitude and i want you to quit bugging me and. i know im being very confusing with my yous so you wont know who you are HEH.
plus, you do.not.use.my.position.as.a.leader.to.put.me.down.when.you.hell.cannot.lead.by.example. thank you.
anyway i think we have very differing opinions about how things should be like. so PLEASE BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER and respect me. i know im like a scum of low character but whatever.

im the most obscene, vulgar, insensitve, bitchy, hell annoying blogger ive ever known, but sometimes when things grow to a certain point, nothing much really matters anymore, and i seriously think if you are being a real jerk, i probably should let you know.

(oh, and it doesnt help that even you are hurting me real hard. bet whatever you said about standing by me when the world turns on me was just a load of bullshit, meant to soothe the ears and bring happiness to my heart for a second; getting my hopes so high up, yet shattering them all in the next moment.)

2005-02-23T19:04:00.000-08:00

Tell me why im so ~~f**king~~ bloody pissed over the geog and math test.

2005-02-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

Fool Again

Baby
I know the story,
I've seen the picture,
It's written all over your face.

Tell me;
What's the secret?
That you've been hiding,
And who's gonna take my place.

I should have seen it coming,
I should've read the signs...
Anyway...I guess it's over.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again,
I thought this love would never end;
How was I to know?
You never told me.
Can't believe that I'm the fool again.
And I who thought you were my friend;
How was I to know?
You never told me.

Baby
You should have called me,
When you were lonely,
When you needed me to be there.

Sadly,
You never gave me,
Too many chances,
To show you how much I care.

I should have seen it coming,
I should've read the signs'
Anyway...I guess it's over.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again,
I thought this love would never end;
How was I to know?
You never told me.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again,
And I who thought you were my friend;
How was I to know?
You never told me...

About the pain and the tears,oh oh oh,
If I could I would,
Turn back the time.

Ooh yeah-
I should've seen it coming,
I should've read the signs'
Anyway...I guess it's over

cant believe that, im the fool again.

2005-02-20T17:36:00.000-08:00

Im blogging the second time today cos im feeling uber stressed up.

4 tests next week. can i say wtf? i thought the max. was like 2 or 3 or smth. HAH and they get us for not abiding by the school rules. and now the teachers go back on their words? Science, math, geog and chinese. im a goner.

See, friday i reached home quite late after collecting my new specs, and saturday i had choir the whole day so i didnt do anything at all. so today was supposed to be like for me to pia. but so far ive like revise abit of chinese (ya ive forgotten everything now) and abit of maths(the simple stuff) and napping and eating and watching tv im SUCH a slacking couch potato. MAN.

Im so stressed up that im indulging in chocolate. toblerone keeps me sane, so does ferrero rocher. so now im like FAT, yes. and i even contemplated cutting my hair just to show how irritated i am at the school. but i decided against it cos if i were to cut my hair everytime i was stressed, i would be shiningly balding tomorrow.

i dont care. im going to run later. so im not going to touch my books. failure maths is a surething. but im so GEK already lah.

i need my new dose of oxygen again so that i can think better. i need my surge of adrenaline and energy to keep me going. most importantly i need to cleanse my mind. and undoubtedly. to burn off all my excess -stuff-.

so there.

2005-02-20T00:26:00.000-08:00

Im like being a hardcore westlife fan or something ( nicole it must be your fault HAHA) Was listening to their songs all morning and all of yesterday.

Yesterday was quite a hectic day, for the choir at least. In the morning there was the choir workshop at HCI. Then in the afternoon we had to rush to VCH for rehearsal cos we were acting as guest performers for NTU.

HAHAHA i ate like 4 packets of rice and 1 tuna pie. okay actually, a bit from each packet of rice. Cos i asked for vegetarian, then turned out that vegetarian food wasnt my cup of tea. i dont like those fake charsiew pieces, SO ARTIFICAL and carbofied. (as in filled with carbos) plus so oily. So i traded them for some spinach. Yeaaaa and me and sylvia sister were very hyper. actually everyone was uber hyper. Hmm excitement is contagious!

Then was the preparation for the concert. the gown made me look super oversized, as usual. Plus i was feeling tight around the armholes and frontal areas. AND my stomach was bulging (dont say you cant see it!) outwards SO DISGUSTINGLY BLUBBERISH. Yea nvm then makeup. sylvia sis cant make up! (WAHAHA) she made me look like a china waa waa. but at least her glitter was nice. yay and tiffany said i looked uber glam. but i think jac looked diva-licious. yichan has nice eyes! xD

We waited for our turn to perform at that place outside the hall lah. then i was telling sick jokes, and one extremely lame one (the happy joke) and I made everyone laugh and melissa was shooting me dirty glares, so was kimberly. hahaha sorry! cos we were supposed to be super silent. yea and then me sylvia jiajun xingyi played the HELLO HARRY, YES HARRY, TELL HARRY game and we tried in vain to teach jennifer but she had to go somewhere else so we taught TERRI. it was wicked! we changed the name to DICK. so it became one dick, two dicks, three dicks...quite the disgusting. So we changed to banana and it was quite funny. finally we changed to boob and we ended the game laughing out heads off. and this earned us more dirty glares. WAAAH.

Okay no comments for the performance. Im not supposed to have any.

After that we went to watch the rest of the concert. IT WAS CHAO COOL okay. me sylvia yichan melissa and yubai found 5 EMPTY seats RIGHT IN THE FIRST ROW so we got a great view and free seats. (and sylvia was commenting to camilia on how hot the guy on the extreme left seat was and camilia said in mock outrage: THATS MY BOYFRIEND LAH! lol) okay then the musical. IT WAS SO CHAO SUPER FUNKY! it was some story staged in the 70s. then there were parties and stuff and all of the NTUers wore like super funky retro costume. there was this man who wore a big curly afro wig on his head and this girl who wore ultraskimpy tube top. but thats retro for you. you know, super big earrings, glitter everywhere, humoungous beady bracelets, frills and ribbons, garish decorations. hahahahha. the dancing was super superb and it was really au naturel and we really cheered out hearts out for them.

ntu really rocked VCH. oh mann.

Yea then after that me yangzi and xingyi made our way to the RAFFLES PLACE MRT STATION and passed by the singapore river and the cavenagh bridge and it was late at night. so there were lights and it was a beautiful sight. Yangzi started singing that singapore town song "you could take a lil trip down to singapore town..."and then three of us got super hyper and started singing that kukebara song and twinkle twinkle little star. chao cool.

It was another red letter day for us i guess. and we tremendously enjoyed ourselves. yeah!

2005-02-17T18:46:00.001-08:00

Im seriously pissed off at the Maths teacher because she doesnt make alot of sense and I have a hard time trying to understand her. so i know im going to fail this math test. anyway, today's history test was -----------. im a goner.

Today's recess was damn fun. I let my bottled up emotions flow out and away, which is something I havent done for a long time and I cant remember the last time I have done it.

I need confidence. no i mean, i need it to grow. and i should learn not to cry over spilt milk. be affected by what other people say. and to start having some brains. a mind of my own.

I think friends are god's gifts.

2005-02-17T18:46:00.000-08:00

2005-02-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

Oh mmhm, have I told you the times when I really hate myself. my soul. my being and my existence?

I absolutely hate it(you would)when people treat you like a social outcast/idiot/mental retard/dumbass/acbc/pest/unimportant creature/insignificant being. and i allow people to. although i tell others no one can make them feel inferior without their consent. yet me myself allow others to trample on me, reducing me to nothing more than a mere piece of crap.

but anyways the problem lies with me. I lack the confidence, and I dont do things with conviction. I know I have the passion. But to be unable to stand up for myself or excel in what i love to do is a very, very sad thing.

at least to me.

im glad there are people who'd listen to my neverending laments. that kinda, alleviates the level of suckiness. yeaah.

Actually, you dont have to bother about me. Like they say, im 24/7 depressed, so just let me tear out my own hair.

Never knew people could make me feel this small.
Im so useless.

how nice would it be if we could just bundle up our emotional, intellectual and psychological garbage, toss it in the can and wave goodbye.

2005-02-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

Im conscientiously blogging everyday because my blog is my outlet. I need an outlet, I have an outlet and I want to use it.

Im feeling alot for rifling now, I dont know why. Jiao lian's been pretty lenient and patient with me, I think. She doesnt mind when I whine, or moan, or grumble, or sulk, or groan, or complain, or lament. She just doesnt want me to give up. Cos when I shoot out of the circle, I get really disheartened, and I will start to feel like Im so freakin' useless. I mean I cant possibly tolerate that kinda result. Todayy my first 10 shots was freaking -censored-. anyway. you get the idea. was terribly pissed at myself. like usual. But Jiaolian just nicely advised me and I, I did it. The next 10 shots were okaay. 2 shots out of the circle, but like 5 or 6 were closely packed together at the bull's eye area. frankly, I can safely say for myself, to fire 10 shots is much, much more tedious and tough than, say, running 3km. or erm, doing a test. Maybe because I expect too much mmmhm? I should be easier on myself. I think. well. i dont know. Eeek.

Seems like everyone's pretty much depressed nowadays. Like jac and fel and. I dont know, some people. Which was what I used to be, (and am now trying not to be). i realised that finding the root of the problems and trying to solve it would be better than sitting around, sulking whining snorting swearing. Maybe. But for some problems that wouldnt help. Like jac's. I dont like seeing her sad, especially. I dont know whyy. Perhaps its because of the reason thats making her sad. Well anyway I hope for these sad people to be brave. thats all. x)

Fate is such an unfathomable, uncomprehensible, and sudden thing.

This year Im having better luck with Fate. Ive met quite a few people I never thought I would meet, and i really like. Its really cool. at least for me. It really is quite a wonder to have the affinity with certain people. awwww. and of course not forgetting the process of getting to know people better. I know I am definitely getting to know some people better. good andbad. but...doesnt really matter. like sera says, theres a need of balance, of yin and yang, black and white, strong and mild, tada tada. the coexistence of good and evil (smirks). wahahhaa.

Sometimes I feel like Im doing the wrong things and I dont know why I do the things I do. Which left me feeling kinda flustered, and my emotions all in a mess, and i cant handle stuff, and im a goner. That kinda...sensation. Maybe its because my hormones are raging and im maturing (-.-) and im beginning to understand, a little more of stuff and beginning to realise what I should and what I should not do. and when im confused, i...

growing up is a big deal. to me at least.

anyway i dont know why im saying all this on a blog no one actually reads. like anyone will really bother.

what im telling you next is a by the way sorta thing, yeaa. DETOX has failed. I cant do it! tried. but i just am not determined enough to keep up? maybe i should just forget it. though i need it. bleagh people point at me and say "she's so not fat" and "what is with her freaking obsession with dieting when she doesnt need it". heyyy im fat okay. its just that you dont see the fats, therefore you say im not. But i am. and i know. I look at my body everyday. I know how its like best. so leave me alone to detox okay?

people are so going to throw bananas at me. but i dont care lahh.

and you know, you have a big heart(:

"I have always imagined that when the door opened it would lead to emerald citadels and lost utopian horizons, ghost towns swaggering with gun toting cowboy idols and petticoat whores, swank palmy night clubs where six-foot-tall champagne bottles danced with bare-shouldered beauties, vistas made of paint, gauze and diamonds. "

2005-02-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

*nosebleeds*

oh man!!! EDISON! happy valentine's day!

okay im so screwed up. I sound like some bimbo fan of his.

>_<

but hey you gotta admit, he IS hot. WAHHH.

2005-02-14T18:02:00.000-08:00

HEYO. people it's NICOLE's birthday. (And valentine's day too but) YAY happy birthday nicole! =D may you be pretty forever. (sorry cant think of anything else since youve already got the brains, the talents, the big heart)i owe you your present.

Anyways.

I didnt expect to receive any presents today, not at all.seriously. I mean I am like a lowlife. like, a pariah? an outcast. that kinda girl who frays everyone's nerves and. I dont know. people DO NOT Like me. well some people anyway. (Remember that passerby? >.<) it's such a wonder and I really really appreciate everything you guys have done. Thank you Felicia, for the tare panda and sweets, and the lovely note. Thank you Bernice, for the (so cuuuuuute)winnie the pooh ( i love the swimming costume on it!) and the note. Thank you Irene for your note. Thank you Nicole, for the Ferrero Rocher. Thank you Melissa(lim) for the note.and everyone else for their smses and hugs. And thank you Amandy banana, for being the great, special and kind (yes i mean it, kind) banana you are, and I feel so, so, so, so, so glad to have befriended you. thank you melissa(loh) for remembering me. Ruixin as well. Thank you Nicole(lim), Ruixin, Zhenyu, Bryan.

Looks like my valentine day this year isnt that bad afterall. though duh im still single lahh. no valentine. but hey, it feeeeeels sooooo gooooood to be an independent woman! x)

"It's going to be really dark but with this kinda glowing colour emanating from it. Like when you were a kid and you used to make a design with coloured crayons, and then covered it with black, and then scratch it and the colour showed through."

2005-02-13T18:41:00.000-08:00

to yuhui; YES- I WATCHED MOVING TARGETS! edison chen is a heartthrob. I mean, that smile! those eyes! and his nose. acckkkk. nicholas tse is 2nd compared to him man. (faints from nosebleed)

anyway, it's a damn cool show. not your usual cheap action flick. it evoked emotions in me. yeaaaah and it was a tearjacker (parts of it towards the ending). i cried because it moved me yeah it did. touches on brotherly ties, friendship, loyalty, righteousness, love and responsibility.

boy i want to keep the vcd! (okay, yuhui, kidding kidding only) and it doesnt hurt that the stars are all the best looking people in hongkong, yeaa. plus it's pretty exciting and kinda cool to see blood stained face with cracklines and bruises lining up their faces, scars livid and all (i toldcha, im a sadist) though i almost fainted when edison was so ruthlessly attacked. and he died in the end. i swear, my tears would have filled 3 buckets.

anyway-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YIXIAO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY(IN ADVANCE), NICOLE!
and, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, PEOPLE!

woahh time sure passes. melissa goh remembered that the first choir practice we attended was on this day last year! o.O thats kinda cool. xD

I guess my valentine's day this year would be just like the past, except that i aint lonely no more cos i have two valentines amandy banana and felicia. and of course to celebrate my singlehood with all my dearest friends like pastry BAO, bern DEAREST and ya know, ya know. (though im NOT SO SURE about all of them being single ;D )

...and into love she falls deeper.

2005-02-12T16:38:00.000-08:00

My twinnie, amandy banana, is so nice! Offered to help me with my maths. cheers for amandy banana. Seldom see people being nice out of the pure kindness of their hearts. xD Am so gonna flunk the math test anyway. Ergh. cant handle the simplest questions. Not to mention the fact that history test is on next wednesday and my history stuff are left under my table. zaangggg. damn it.

Am highly paranoid person nowadays; cant seem to take things in stride. grrrr.

(I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow-Watch the stars crash in the sea)

Feeling slightly boreddd. Did some quiz. (Lim peh ALWAYS has new ones!)

-Your crush suddenly asks you out?-.- see who first.

-You walk into an elevator and see a couple making out? pretend to be seized by a spasm of violent coughs. if they dont get the hint then start breaking into fits.

-Your parents had another baby?get all worried cos my mom's way past the optimum age of pregnancy.

-You're trapped in a building about to explode?pray, then try to save anyone i can

-You were granted one wish?I could eat forever without getting fat.

-A guy (or girl if you're a guy) suddenly kissed you? check if he's having a fever.

-You won a date with your celeb crush?edison chen!??!? ANYDAY

-You were given a blue car?keep it till im of legal age to drive.

-Your boyfriend (girlfriend if you're a guy) breaks up with you?not applicable.

-You win a million dollars?hide it

-Someone gives you flowers?accept it graciously

-You receive a love letter in your locker?if its the paper kind, keep it. if its the biscuit kind, eat it.

-You fail your exam? inflict pain upon self. (hey, thats better than commiting suicide anyhow)

-You get first in class?wont ever happen

Your computer crashes?curse.swear.punch.kick.try to repair. then when all fails, cry.

-You get fired?kill the boss

-Your best friend betrays you? ditch her.

-You had to choose between your boyfriend(girlfriend if you're a guy) and your best friend? depends on who they are.

diaos.

...I want to spread out my wings and flyyy, in a sky the colour of laundered-to-the-perfect-fade jeans, past clouds like the wigs of starlets- fluffy, platinum, spun floss-

2005-02-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

Back from the stadium; finally did the 2++ km i kept promising myself to do. Managed to get that big load of worries off my heart for awhile; I felt more refreshed. Perhaps with every breath I take, a new dose of oxygen rushes into my blood to take the place of old, used air. It feels so gooood.

Hahah earlier in the day I went back to Pcps with Nicole, Daryl, Jasper and Yixuan. There we met mrs loo, ms lim, deng lao shi and god mom (zhou lao shi) whom we greeted a happy and prosperous new year. When I talked to the teachers, then I realised, how much I missed them. It just isnt the same in Nanyang. I dont know whyyyy.

Then Nicole invited me to her house. Havent been there for eons. Lots of relatives were at her house for New Year and some of them gave me red packets (i'll have to thank nicole for this) upon seeing me. Mrs Soh was very nice; she gave me a red packet and $2 for nygh's fundraising project. (Thank you Mrs Soh!)

Came back home around 4+ and slept all the way till 6. Then headed for the stadium after dinner.

I am making it a habit to consult my vocab diary everyday in an attempt to improve my non-veli-powderful england. (which is what I wrote in my journal)

...I miss how those same fields lit up with green electric sparks at night- fireflies, which to me are almost as magical as seeing faeries-

2005-02-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

It's Friday and it's a school holiday. And I am stuck at home, studying. But with all the tests thats hitting us headlong as soon as school starts again, we have to. I am not supposed to grumble or anything, I guess.

I am going back to Pcps later, only Nicole is going back with me. That's quite sad.

Life's pretty much mundane now, so there's actually nothing to blog about.

This entry is quite crapped anyway.

(bobdog rocks!)

2005-02-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

I am surprised; I actually managed to raise $60 for nygh. Little that may be, I am really proud of myself. Normally when I pass out the NKF donation card, I wouldnt even fetch half as much. Seriously.

Yesterday was a pigout day for me. I kept eating, and eating. Because I was bored at certain points in time, and when I am bored, I eat. Sheesh. I am slowly melting away into a blob of fats. How nice.

The red packet money I collected from yesterday's visits is Pathetic. Its like less than half of what others will normally get. But hey, I am contented enough. It isnt everyday you get a hundred plus dollars shoved down your throat.

Shall be going out to my grandpa's house soon. To prevent myself from being bored, and start eating all the food in sight, I shall be a good, good girl, and bring my stuff to study there. And finish Digital Fortress. It's a damn great book really. It's almost as nice as the Da Vinci Code. But I would have to read both books again to really fully totally comprehend all the details.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes- who will guard the guards?

well.

2005-02-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

Well. Happy new year all.

I think I ate tad too much. Was feeling nausea the whole night, like I am pregnant or something but duh of course I am not. Should not have been such a glutton.

Eeeeeek. I swear, homework is the only thing that blemishes a holiday. And of course, facing the prospect of 10 tests right after the holiday.

I keep thinking of OM and sometimes get haunted by thoughts about it. Same for SIA, chinese portfolio, and the essay competition thing.

Oh. yesterday was the performance. was alright. Felicia was great and so was Vinette. And Chunhing, and PuiIan, and JiaYing, and Jolene, and Jac! I cheered for them till my throat burned. Now I am hoarse. acccck. Then went out with bernice and baocheng to orchard. Bao was wearing this sexy fishnet thing over some pink top. Then we went to isetan and tried on clothes i wouldnt wear out if you paid me a million dollars. Bought some conversewear and earrings.

The biggest worry on my mind now is how to raise the freaking $150 for NANYANG GIRL'S HIGH, the school that raises RESPECTED MEMBERS OF THE SOCIETY.

Im surprised my brother actually looks better than I thought he would ever be in his new year wear.

Ta.

2005-02-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

im officially 14. oh wheee. my mobile is bursting with birthday wishes. thanks to felicia, melissa loh, jac, seeting, sylvia, sharon, zhenyu, amandy banana, kelvin, yanliang, shiru, melissa lim, litying, daryl, evelyn, cherie, bernice, nicole, irene, jiaying, sars, sheryl, sipei, nicole twinnie who smsed me and eeyang, louise, kerryn, yuhui, zhenglaoshi, melissa goh... ... ... ...also thanks to baocheng, nicole lim, lutheng, mingyi, chityin, lin mian, yichan, yingting, xingyi, eunice, yixuan, yixiao, JO! not forgetting mommmmmm... ... ... (Sorry if i left anyone out) this is like some award winning presentation >< but im really, really glad that some very small place in your heart there's me (:

<33333 you guys forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

2005-02-04T20:33:00.000-08:00

yay. im a few hours away from being 14. WHOOOOOOOOO!

great day today (:

thanks;

1. bao! for your uber-cute yellow sausage dog and card! the elongated body of the dog looks like an erhem though.( and bernice was SO obsessed with its butt HEHEHE) thanks for being the first to give me a present. (and i didnt forget your famous amos cookies you brought especially for me!<3333)

2. irene and jiaying for the happyhouse merchandise. the doorsign and notebook. so PIINK :) and so cute! love the doorsign AND the picture of the pig on it

3. shiru. AHHHHHH. can see how much effort you put in to wrap the present. Its so sophisticatedly wrapped up and SO COOL :) i still dont have the heart to open it. haha but i could guess there were 6 markers. Ahhh i love the markers. *hugs*

4. evelyn! My darling mortal! omg you surprised me dear. hahahaaha and your bear totally rocks. so sweeeet *gushes* (that was what you and fel were planning so secretly yesterday wasnt it! *Grins*

5. lutheng. i cant believe you actually remembered!!! hahahahahaha. (smiles) you are so thoughtful. =)

6. jo!!!!<333333333 when you gave me the chocolates and card I CRIED. CRIED. was so touched. have been A YEAR already and you still think of me. I LOVE YOU A THOUSAND TIMES!

7. chityin. YAY! you remembered. THANKS for your card and sweeties!! (AND IM NOT CHIOMIN u DOKK)

8. NICOLE! your present is really meaningful! (: AND cute. thanks for the effort! i LOVE the pig. rock on meiii <333

9. ong ming pig! merci beaucoup for your dog-in-the-cup. ahhhh weejiapok is grateful. yeaaa and thanks for talking to me yesterday!!! love ya truckloads ONG MING PIG.

10. melissa goh! AHHHHHHH. you really remembered what i said about the stuff i liked. yay! thoughtful BEARBEAR (= continue to smile and make my day. you ROCK. thanks for your coool shirt. (hooooo!)

11. melissa loh. im just glad you remembered (: thanks for your card. <33

12. eunice FOR ANNOUNCING IT TO THE WHOLE CLASS AND MAKING THEM SING A BDAE SONG FOR ME (yeaaa thanks a load eun) heheh

thanks for all the well wishes and greetings! (: and for remembering. for just simply thinking of me and letting me know. ilu guys.

touched~~

sobbsobb.

2005-02-03T18:59:00.000-08:00

im so bloody hell irritable right NOW, en ce moment, xian4 zai4. people always say one thing and they mean another. what fakes. bloody hypocrites. whats the problem with them?

its no use appearing all sunshiny and happy and smiley while you are bleeding inside as you deal with those big fake smiles and stupid lies. i know i should be happy since i deserve to be happy since you know, its coming soon but how the hell am i supposed to be happy. i think, ive put up with too much for too long. really. people dont have enough sense to tell when things are sour.
like whatever. i think i'd have died if i didnt have some people.

(you ask me to cheer up, show you a smile; i did, i gave you a "smiley face" :) on msn. and you really think im happy. cant you tell?)

The world is such a freaking corrupt ugly place.

you know, i dont need to be nice to you but i am being nice to you cos i dont believe in being wicked to anyone. you can just shut up already, ive had enough of you, stop pissing me off like nobody's business, and i dont care if i leave you hating me (Forever) because i dont think ive done anything wrong.

(dont give a damn. shant give a damn.)

2005-01-31T20:24:00.000-08:00

today was an okay day. minus the times when i almost blew my nose off. oh and i really ate alot. its amazing how easily i can be bought over with food!
//shlu's birthday tomorrow. joyeux anniversaire dear. you have been fabulous, putting up with me for countless time, enduring my crap in class and just simply entertaining with you *nudgenudge*winkwink* stories :D

//no wait, AMANDAS'S birthday today! another one of my maturing dears. the older banana twin. ahh, you rock banana. forever.

i really like welcome to my life. the song is just a reflection of me hmm. and not to mention magnet. it's great. i love songs you can swoon over with love, and songs that make you think about mmmm, yourself, and reflect.

(isit gravity, chemistry; physically pulling me)

(no you dont know what it's like, welcome to my life)

ahhhhhh. suddenly i feel enlightened.

5 days! seems like a such long time. i just cant wait to be 14. then i can proudly tell everyone how senior i am =D yeaaa.

(im so glad you remembered)

honestly, presents would be great but what i really care about is that you remember

(think of me, baby)

2005-01-30T17:34:00.000-08:00

70 Reasons why i suck[results observed over a period of one month minus a day]

1. my grades are dropping, like, totally.
2. im broke.
3. i dont understand a single shit of geography and science.
4. certain people are always pissed at me.
5. im ugly.
6. im stupid, plain stupid.
7. i dont deserve to be a psgl.
8. i have no control over myself.
9. om's a disaster.
10. i dont like chinese gonghan. and therefore, i get sucky grades for it.
11. i cant play my exam pieces well and i screw up my scales.
12. AND my practical exam is coming.
13. i cant play romance d'amore without making a mistake.
14. i sing like shit.
15. ive got a terribly sore throat.
16. my mother is horrible.
17. i keep getting headaches.
18. not to mention coughs.
19. im screwing up french.
20. my fake hoop earrings are hurting the sides of my lobes like hell, but I still want to wear it because i like the feeling of pain and injury.
21. in conclusion to that, im a sadistic idiot.
22. i, uh, cant shoot well.
23. therefore im disappointed in myself.
24. i keep missing air rifle trainings, and my parents are paying a crap hell load of $ for it. [$300 can last me for a bloody long time]
25. im FAT with a capital F.
26. i have no life.
27. some people out there hate me.
28. and i actually like those people. ><
29. i cant write well.
30. i dont know a single thing about the world. therefore my intellect level is like [bahhh]
31. and when you put me next to people like peirong or shiru, i cry.
32. i dont have a single freaking talent.
33. im a cow.
34. i cant compose a biopoem about myself properly.
35. when people see me they have strange temptations to write out of the world limericks about me and an imaginary prince charming.
36. uh and when people see me like a few metres away, they want to shoot me with rubber bands.
37. and when i say "NOT FUNNY" they snort.
38. theres a shit big pile of homework waiting for me EVERYDAY.
39. third lang is hell hectic.
40. i scream when people poke me.
41. im childish.
42. people dont respect me.
43. i make my brother cry.
44. i make myself cry.
45. i make my parents cry.
46. i cry at the most minor things like sappy movies.
47. my mood swings like bungee jumping.
48. the above sentence is grammatically wrong.
49. im 24/7 pmsing.
50. i have a stupid red zit on my left cheek.
51. and im already ugly enough.
52. im a geek!
53. i get stage frights like nobody's business.
54. when im super enthu about stuff, everyone stares at me.
55. when i dont give 2 hoots, they stare at me too. no actually, they glare.
56. i cant do anything right.
57. im short.
58. i hear people say short people die faster.
59. i dont understand the maths stuff ms lee teaches.
60. i cant even hear her.
61. i need sweets to keep me awake during cme.
62. i suck at ite, yeah thats like a perpetual fact.
63. im a clumsy big oaf and therefore, i suck at dance also.
64. my zit isnt going away.
65. i worry about the minorest things.
66. im too sentimental.
67. and emotional.
68. and extra.
69. when people piss me off i feel like kicking them but, i dont have the guts to; how nice.
70. and finally, my computer breaks down every hour. when im using it.

1 reason why i dont.
1. because most of the time, life's unfair, and i live with it.

2005-01-29T14:22:00.000-08:00

Uh, im a sickly person. my sore throat is so totally hurting me and my nose is blocked. i hate blocked noses; i feel stupid to have to *sniffle* all day long, but whatever. and i also have that big fat stupid zit above my cheeks, identitical to that of my pimple partner, sylvia, and though it acts as a symbol of our sisterhood, zits suck, anyhow.

i dont think i'll make it through this year, i'll probably crumble under all that stress, yea, im useless. but thats what i am.

bleargh. today we had workshop at fairfield methodist, with fairfield anglican tk sngs and anderson. ums, we were too technical apparently. with como tu. ><

night was boring in the middle parts. booo.

i gotta go write about darling rosa parks now. bye people.

SEVEN DAYS,

2005-01-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

SOMEONE SHOOT ME.

im seriously dying. im so freaking pissed off with the school system. like, wtf are they trying to do to us? drain the lives out of us? faggin' idiots. i mean they dont have to like set the SIAs like hell lot right. and bah. all those senseless stuff. like maths. we have to prove that 1=2. Hullo?
and cme theres sia. like WTH. whatever. like they dont even care we have third lang and cca and stuff. they just pile and pile and pile stuff.

and i cant catch up.

falling behind.

that kinda feeling sucks.

2005-01-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

this is one month late. i did it during christmas time when blogger was down so i never had the chance to put it up. but since im putting it up now, i may as well add in some other <3able people ive met=)

Tribute!

I love you guys <333333

Trixers…

Felicia; for being the very spunky girl you are, and lighting up my life in so many different ways, just keep rocking on =D and on=D and on.

Bernice; for sometimes staying back with me after school to mug, and cracking me up with you and your amusing stories.

Eunice; you are the most serious leader I have ever seen, and a funky one at that (:

Jiaying; for showing me the wonders of art. And and for being so weird and making me laugh sometimes.

Marissa; all the advice and wisdom I can never get enough of. Thanks for your preachings, they really do help :P

Bao; ahh you, I can always be my bimboitic self around you without feeling self conscious. And for all your tips and jokes and your free drawing lessons.

Ireneeee; for being a nice Han, and helping me along with my literature. And science. And English. And maths. And…

Sai; your corny mad idiosyncratic gestures ALWAYS crack me up =D

Ferly; you I know have helped me in many little ways and I appreciate it (=

Pammmm; for being the cute petit but funky little darling and and you are very pretty hmmmm.

Sheenie; for your understanding and just because you are so dopily cute. please do work hard next year :D

Ong ming pig; for your hehehehehs and hahahahas and your lovely madness just cheers me up!

Ah rong; Fluffball! Really miss your violent craziness and your unusual tendencies but but you are so clever lehhh.

PUUUUI; just because you are so nice, and sweet, and fun to be with. xP

Yimin; I THINK YOU ARE THE NICEST PERSON IVE EVER SEEN omgomgomg.
Melesa; for being such a nice lab partner and all, and a really responsible team member. And why are you so talented in your computer skills =P

Seeting; You are so gong. And cute! And you laugh at my corny jokes. That makes me smile :D

Limpeh; Oei, why are you so so so good, you are effectively bilingual. And you are always being yourself, for that I admire you xD

Terrapin; you are always saying how you are hurting people with your words but I know you don’t mean them =D just go on being your cute dopey self hahah

Jacqueline; my classmate cum cca mate. You are so articulate and talented and charismatic and so tall! you are so chio lehhh and and you are really a nice and spunky person to be with. xP

Jolene; for being a really cool online confidant. To you I can always talk without being self conscious too. And and you are really special in your own little way. I love reading your essays and poems and stuff - they are so inspiring!

One three [05]
NICOLE meii; uh, you are really cute. and sweet. thanks for always staying up with me through all those lonely nights =) sisters forever. rock on dear!

melissa; though you found out who i am and im branded a failure angel. buut. you got into choir and will be my official junior soon and i love you anyway.

evelyn; you are the most sentimental and sensitive and kind girl ive ever known. and you are just about the greatest mortal anyone can have. *smiles*

cherie; though you are quite vulgar. UH. but i guess you can be really funny if you wanted to. and crack me up :D

jaslyn; shortie! [heh sorry couldnt resisit] but you are so cute. and huggable. and so short. hope you keep growing =D [that sounds weird but..]

6a’03…

raisin; for being my best friend and such a sweet and lovely one at that. LOVE YOU!

Neecoal; you are so innocent and dopey! And so funky in a unique way. =D

Pingfang; arh this girl is just too good for words! Always there when you need her. She’s just irreplaceable!

Eehui; ahhha, she’s been with me for 4 years and still counting :D

Wenshi+zhenyu; ahh, SHE rocks our socks forever right, and and we shall sing together sometime again! =P

Michelle; this girl kicks ass! =D she’s a nice nice brownie. I mean girl guide. Hahaha

Litying; a very bemusing and amusing and happy person. JJ

Bingxiang; you are one spastic moron! And I always enjoy crapping with you dude =D

Daryl, Jinyao, Kelvin; for erm, haha putting up with a crazy me for so long already. And for actively participating in class activities, I appreciate that.

Cca mates…
CHOIR<3

Melissa goh; who shares my paranoia of getting PHAT. And and when you know you are so NOT fat. But who cares, we have fun complaining about our kcal intake. Hahaha and and I so love your hair! Cute coconut. =) and you have been a total sweetie to me. luvya.

LouLou; this girl is near perfect, shes got the brains and the looks and all [why is the world so unfair hahaha] and she’s got a boyfriend somewhere *nudge nudge* heh! And she loves drawing on my scores. Well okay I started by drawing on hers first but…=D plus she sings really well and She’s got this sparkly smile

Yichan; for just being funny and funny and funny=D

Xingyi; for going out with me tons of times. and and you can aim very well horr. xD

Jiajun; why do you never eat sweet stuff. You must be so deprived! But amandy says that’s how u get your shiny black glossy hair. HMMM. And and you are so cute :D

Huiwei; loved your cookies! =) *im a pig* but you are so cute when you smile x) and and the way you talk. Haha.

Yixiao; so tall this girl >< but but you are so funky. And you are so nicely rebellious! You are just COOL. :D

Yiting; hehhhh you, very funny also. And your voice is so mellowly sweet! :D

Leeqi; you are a very cute person, like Melissa said. =D

Terri; you’ve got a sparkling personality, and a lovely voice!

Sylvia; FUNKY SENIOR!! And I love your strawberry choco sweets. *grins* im so glad you are in a1 with me (=

Wingkee; heh you are so skinny L and and you are really nice! And for all your advice erhem*J

Tingyi; YOU LENT ME THE VCDS! Therefore, you rock =D

Cheryl chang; though I don’t really know you but I still think you are very very hilarious and funneh and you are probably about the chioest dudess ive ever seen (:

Maria; paikia! But pretty still. =D love your hair! Heh and loved lying on you. AND poking you. Wahaha.

Jo; my darling angel! WUV YOU! =P sweet girl, her.

Melissaloh; you are my fave fave fave senior!even till now. Absolutely. Thanks for all your advice. Love ya =))

Kerryn; clever girl you! And so wise. Thanks for all you’ve taught me though you don’t know it and you’ve got a great fab voice. and you gave me warmth when i was freezing. i just totally *hug* you =D

Siewmun; you are unique and funky funky funkyyae. =D yay rock on k!

Jennifer; although you always seem to make life difficult for me J hahaha but I know you are really very nice and kewl and a ichiban sectional leadddderrrr

Joanna; for all the bus rides we’ve sat together. Hehh. And you don’t owe me anymore sweets =)

Celine; you are so forthright and straightforward and really really cool. :D and like lou said you are always yourself. Which makes you one of a kind ((:

Tammy; ahh, I really like your fashion sense and and you never seem to grow fat after eating a lot =) and you laugh in such a cute way.

KRSYTAL!!; you are my idol…I love the way you play the piano! =) and and you are the only one who shows her love for her juniors. All of the a1 juniors love you loads okayyyy <33333 and love your beautiful cards!

Cherie; for all the invaluable advice, and always talking to me online all these lonely days J

AIR RIFLE =)
Michelle; you are the most responsible person ive known! Thanks for always leading the way. And taking charge. We appreciate all your efforts girl. And you are very very nice. J

Ronnie; although you used to hug me out of the blue [-_-] hahaha but you are really a kind nice teletubby in my eyes! p.s you really do look like one. And you ALWAYS crack me up. ALWAYS

Zijing; Im going to miss you cos you are not going to be in air rifle anymore L you are so cute and nice and happy. and you are so handsome “my shuai ge” lol.

PSGLs

AMANDY BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; my special twinnie! My best friend! And and my fellow psgl I always have lots of fun hanging out with you dude! And trust me, you ARE effectively proficient in both languages to the extent that I would say you are GIFTED. And I wanna go out with you again!! [and you don’t know it but you are really chio]

Shuhui; Ehhhh! You are so tall. And cute! Your smile lifts my spirits. Hahaha. Im looking forward to working with you. Just ROCK on xD

Chityin; just started talking to you recently but realized what a funky cool dancer you are :D and you are VERY thin already. And VERY chio too. AHH. And VERY clever. HMPH =)

AND ALL OTHERS who’ve made a DIFFERENCE in my life =))
NYGH
Oners
Justina!; heyy- my very cool mother in law :D Ahh…you are so funneh. And so cute. I will be your good daughter in law I promise J

Jolyn; you know you look like piglet! You really do. Just like how some people look like bananas and some people look like garfield and some people look like teletubby =D but anyway I think you are really adorable J

Twoers
Shufeng; my WAR TIME buddy (= you are just too nice for words.

Fivers
Liping; YOU ARE TOO THIN, YOU MUST EAT MORE! =D and you are fel’s good friend. Which makes you my good friend. WAHAHA and why so tall hmph.

Ruiping; you are so so so so sweet. And dopey! I miss you = and thanks for letting me copy your French hw sometimes x)

Charlotte; ahh you are so funny :D and thanks for being crazy with me that day at the workshop J love you!

I hope I haven’t missed anyone out =)

That’s it.

School’s reopening next week.
Somehow I am looking forward to it yeahhhh.

And…IVE DONE MY COMMONWEALTH ESSAY!! *clap clap*

Everyone should be happy…SHALALALA, it’s so nice to be happy…SHALALALA…<33333

so you see, how my mood has so drastically changed over a period of 30 days. uhhhh. but really, these people are more than i could ever ask for.

2005-01-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

When one door closes, another one opens,
And when this door opened it woke me up,
from my depressing reverie…
I was dreamy, I used to think about stuff I thought about no more
Daydreams were there for me to get by. Day dreams differ from reality- harsh, cruel reality.
The truth, hard and cold, slaps me like a solid piece of razor metal against my flesh.
Still, I dream.

In spring, I saw the cherry trees rustling their papery fingers. Air was heavy with the scent of honeysuckle, roses, gardenias, lifting my spirits up slowly.
In summer, the sun’s warmth guided me out of my misery, my state of fugue, and I smelt the breeze glinting with a fruity fusion fragrance, I was overjoyed.
Autumn- the golden leaves swirled in the crepuscular light, a mirage of nymph petals cascading upon us. Warm colours around me in red waves, sun is fading into thin rays that seem to wrap around my skin like fingers, yet all I want is the feeling of real human touch.
Winter comes and winter goes, yet winter stays the longest. Where blood freezes and you eyes cloud over with exhaustion and the lack of sun, the rain begins to fill your life like music, a soundtrack or an exit for a film. When all living things go into hibernation, and everyone else ceased to exist, only you in your frozen ice casing. Cant break free.

Can’t break free.

Yet, I dream.

2005-01-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

Hoooooo. she came online yesterday. just totally, made my day. =) my little sister *smiles* ewww, im getting sappy. but its great to know that no matter what happens theres always someone you can talk to.

ive read mel's blog. its so saddening. i think she's talking about her brother or something mmm? something about parting and all that. its all so relevant to me. yes and, the part about her someone crying when they are all having fun. kinda reminded me of me huh. people get hurt and people hurt everyday. its all part and parcel of life. you just have to stand up firmly though you may be breaking inside. cos if you stay to nestle your wound there'll be no time for anything else. melll. cheer up, it hurts me to see you sad.

somehow, the presence of melll and my little sister just...made me realise that theres more to life than just...

all that pain.

gotta go.

Thirteen

2005-01-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

Ugh. just came back. today was just, blarh, the usual. went to school 8 in the morning to help make choir noticeboard. and its not like i even helped much; the noblest thing i did was sacrificing my finger and dipping it into the bottle of blue paint o.O uh, i saw nicole in school. hah! got my letter from her, AND wrote her her reply before she went home =) um, choir was alright, i was freezing my ass off when nice nice kerryn put her hand in mine to give me some warmth. i realised that maria enjoys poking me >< oUch.as an afterthought, EVERYONE enjoys poking me. AND pinching me. blarh then after the whole practice i went to the dance studio to look for felicia. ummmm. then everyone was commenting about how much i look like nicole from 105. uh. I DONT KNOW WHY but i dont look too much like her apart from the fact that we both have braces and the same hairstyle? bahhh. then walked with felicia and liping out of school. umm, saw MEIKEEN on the bus! =D then went i got down she got down too. so coincidental; then she asked me to walk with her to toapayoh west cc and being the nicey person i am, i did o.O walked an impressive length of road today. then bought one quiksilver shirt and one von dutch shirt and uh. nic said she loves milkybars so i trudged over to cold storage to get one for her. then i realised, nicole soh loves milkybars too. HMMMM.

i just blogged in recount formation. great, no one will be able to tell that im sad or whatever. so no one will look at me with that puppy sympathetic big eyes and go "aww cheer up". people just dont understand that telling someone to cheer up is like telling her to grow taller. UH.

2005-01-21T10:01:00.000-08:00

ripped this off fel's blog. hmm.

1.wld you rather skip sch than go to sch.??_* go to school. im a hell of a guaikia.
2.wld you rather be early than late for sch.??_* -_-early.
3.wld you rather stand outside the class than having detention for nt doing your hmwrk._*detention sounds cool.
4.wld you rather sleep than dream in class?_* dream.
5.wld you rather be lectured than being punished by the teacher whom u hate?_*depends on the punishment.
6.wld you rather be a girl than a boy?_* i used to love being a girl.
now im not so sure.
7.wld you rather be short than tall?_* tall DUH!
8.wld you rather woo someone than be wooed by tat person?_* er.
9.wld you rather be rich than poor.??_* rich.
10.wld you rather be an animal than human.??_* i'll rather be a banana.
11.wld you rather be bullied than bully someone._* huh.
12.wld you rather die than to eat some creepy yucky stuffs._* eat.
13.wld you rather have wings than without wings._* have wings.
14.wld you rather kill yourself than to sit beside potato._* UH?
15.wld you rather be a apple than a cherry._* apple. crunchy, hardcore. cherries are small and useless and one bite...gone.
16.wld you rather be fair than tan.??_* tan. cos i am.
17.wld you rather jump than to fly._* fly.
18.wld you rather eat than drink._* depends.
18.wld you rather listen to a song than to sing a song._* sing.
19.wld you rather be hurt by ppl than to hurt ppl.??_* stupid question.
20.wld you rather do this quiz than to do nth._* anything's better than doing nothing.
21.wld you rather say byebye than to say i miss u._* i miss you...

being honest
Honestly, where ya at?--> bros room
* Honestly, have you ever had a plastic surgery?:--> NO.
* Honestly, have you ever failed a subject atschool?:--> dont remember failing any.
* Honestly, what's on your mind?:--> im so shit.
* Honestly, who are you chatting online with?:--> chityin and edwin.
* Honestly, what is it that you REALLY should bedoing right now?:--> do science mindmap.
* Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today?:--> ...
* Honestly, who is the hottest person you know?:--> erm.
* Honestly, are you a good friend?:--> i dont think im good enough
* Honestly, do you really think going to school is all that important?:--> not really.
* Honestly, what are your dreams about mostly?:--> dying
* Are you HONESTLY single?:-->duh.
* Honestly, what are you so happy about right now?--> yea right. im happy. right.
* Honestly, what are you so sad about right now?:--> everything.
* Honestly, who are you missing?:--> felicia. nicole lim. [but no, im NOT obsessed with you]
* Honestly, what song are you listening to right now?--> nothing.
* Honestly, who do you want to meet at this verymoment?--> evelyn.
* Honestly, where do you like to be kissed?:--> nowhere.
* Honestly, do you have a deadly disease?:--> yea, i have suckeritis, dont come near me.
* Honestly, do you hate someone right now?--> hate's too strong a word.
* Honestly, who do you wanna hug right now?--> felicia.
* Honestly, are you bored?--> yes.
* Honestly, who do you wanna slap right now?-->you.

2005-01-20T18:24:00.000-08:00

when you are at you downdest in the pits, there will always be people standing by you. dont think this is cliched, ive never been more grateful in my life to have a friend like her maybe for a long time ive been taking her for granted. its time to reciporate all the love.

somehow its only now that i know who my true friends are, and the rest who are just passing stars. i dont agree with you that everything changes...some things remain and im really thankful. i do know that there are some out there, perhaps very few but yes there are people who really do care about me. they just dont say it or show it very prominently, neither do they display their acts of concern very openly...but well, these are the ones you can always count on them. dont think i dont know...

juniors. who are they. will there be with you when you need someone? or are they just like the other passing people in your life. i dont trust seniors. at least i cant bring myself to. not anymore...i guess i should look upon juniors differently. i mean, i am a junior. i know to what extent a junior can give for a senior...i think some seniors should consider their juniors in a different light. and respect them just like they respect you.

sorry. above paragraph was total crap.

well the thing is i should just treasure the people around me who really care and not get upset when other people dont give a damn.

im such a baby, today i ___ed in math class. luckily fel's there...to pull me out of my misery for that little while. but after i was left on my own all the thoughts started coming back and i felt so...trapped.

realisation.

mm, maybe time will prove everything. shall wait and see...

2005-01-19T19:16:00.000-08:00

eww. im beginning to piss MYSELF off day by day. like everyday theres always something for me to get upset about. yesterday it was shooting. [ i shot like, hell terribly] today it's french. je ne heureux pas. not at all. i mean how can i be happy if i dont understand a single damn thing quenot is gabbering about. and how come he always picks on me to answer his questions. always. needless to say, i often find myself staring blankly at him, mouth agaped like a frozen goldfish. sigh this is getting bad. am i like, distracted or what. i just cannot do things up to my standard. i think im failing MYSELF. yea. et je suis tres ennuyeux. bored. bored out of my wits and extremely apprehensive about the future because whatever im doing, im unable to answer to myself. i hate me. i hate me. i hate me. i hate me.

and im such a failure angel. i just cannot be careful with myself. now ive leaked my identity. i look like such a blasting idiot. liying found me out. so im not writing to her for a while. now melissa's discovered me. like, wth is everyone trying to do. make me feel stupid? yea. but anyway i already am. so mmm. good thing nicole is there. she's always so nice. ive never see upon a junior like i do to nicole. someone who can keep secrets to themself, respect you and yet easy to approach, willing to goof around with you at chill out at the same time, never failing to bring a smile to my face everyday. am i glad! at least, i dont feel so much of a failure anymore.

sch's just into the third week. bloody om; we havent done a single damn thing. i thank god i didnt die while doing the tkam ppt yesterday night.
like wtf, im never doing anything with them again.

evelyn if you ever come here, i just wanna say this : friends are like stars they come and go the ones that stay are the ones that glow. but of course, you will never come here. i mean, whenever i write something bad about someone they will come and see. but when i desperately want to convey some kind of message to someone she/he never comes. like hell blarh. forget it.
sometimes life is just plain unfair. but hey, we ve gotta live with it.

2005-01-18T18:50:00.000-08:00

sometimes i feel that
im not even there.
but when i see you
i realised i knew.
that all along...
you were the one.
who helped me through.

sometimes i think that
im nothing at all.
but when you talked to me
i realised i was wrong.
you made me understand
that i could be somebody.
if i would try.
i could just fly.

i could never, love you the way you love me
but i know, i know everything you did.
it pains my heart, to see that you are suffering.
and then i think...maybe i would see.

how you gave up what you've got
just to fufil my little thought
i really really want to hear you say
of how i make your day.
---

i realised im so damn shit. yes shit. im pissed to the core with myself. have never ever shot so badly in my life. im just this useless lump of moving flesh. no i mean, fats. yea and maybe the future holds nothing for me. nothing at all. im fighting against all odds.

i should just let go...

2005-01-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

Ahh! im back. and barely surviving, yeah? cant breathe. just suffocating underneath those growing layers of frustration. and panic. *rolls eyes* im being melodramatic again. nothing much, just that recent spate of events just left my emotions reeling like a film playing without sound. oh bother.
i just, really. DONT WANT TO BOTHER ABOUT THE OM. let me flunk it. flop it. fail it. finish it. god help me! and all the tougher stuff we are learning. oh pardon me, my miniscule, crenating brain cells just have no place for the newfound knowledge the teachers are continously pouring upon us. yuck. im just a pathetically useless, unbelievably insufferable hyperbolic spoilt brat who thinks gravity doesnt apply to her huh? yea so right i am. must be. i so totally need to pull up on my people skills. am pissing people's heads off like crazy. BLARH.
ahh, my new adorable juniors. shant mention my two lovely mortals in case they somehow manage to wiggle their way here but ahh nicole is so nice. and so cute. and what a personality that girl has! =) my juniors, whom i recognise as positive additions of nygh, are seriously the only source where I find my happiness from. and of course theres always haaaaaaaan. and fel.
really. maybe i should take on a new perspective, opinion and view this world with more optimism. so i shall end this stupid entry with an encouraging quote for myself.

who needs the world when ive got my friends! xD

2005-01-03T13:41:00.000-08:00

ow. we are actually having computer studies with mr DAMIEN YAM and he's actually letting us do our own stuff. blarh i bet we only get such nice treatment for the first IT lesson. ohhh well.

basically all day i have done nothing except usher the sec 1 munchkins into the various assembly points, talking to some of them[im taking one seven] and lazing about with some other psgls. but oh oh MELISSA AND JASLYN are in 103! WHEEEEEEE x)) i bet one three is filled with INGENIOUS People this year. i mean the scores are like 269, 272...ARHHHH and theres this ex pcps girl from 6b called yiwei in one seven and she's the only chiobu in one seven spotted(by me) and ohhhh i just realised people who came from pcps(with the exception of me) are sooo damn chio like eehui eeyang jaslyn melissa yiwei ARGHHHH *Sadness* -_- sorry im crapping again.

oh and i got my SHOOTING tshirt today. real nice. but a whopping $25 it costs... im really really looking forward to shooting tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sense the elation =D] we are receiving out CHINA COACHES *claps* and ahhhhh i really want to get people to join shooting yep. plus i really want to shoot in the school range =DD

and i just realised how some people in 103 have changed over the holidays! like eunice and bernice who's looking spunkier and healthier than ever, and felicia looking so chio and all, and quite a no. of people got earholes during the hols [FUNKAYYYE]

im more determined than ever to cut down on my daily food intake. yay.

third lang later wheeeee.

im a happy girl!

2004-12-28T20:42:00.000-08:00

Damn you.

and amandy banana, lets go out again sometime :D

2004-12-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

i just realised we only have one more week till school reopens. thats sad. sad. sad. i cant wait to check out my juniors though=D but will someone please do my commonwealth essay for me, im willing to pay you 2 bucks. i know its not alot but im broke and to do a kind deed you will be blessed (: im so damned. im going to die next year, my hectic schedule. can i pay someone another 2 bucks to do all my homework for me next year. lol.
commonwealth essay, go and die.

-------

if only.

i can never shine. i can never fly. im just a moron damned for eternity.

2004-12-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

I AM SO INSPIRED BY THE NATIONAL TREASURE! and im so intrigued by the declaration of independence it's so interesting. and cool =) im definitely looking up more on these stuff. (:
i ate so much today, sad sad. an apple, a bread, a cookie, popcorn, some cauliflower, carrots, and some meat[ i believe to be beef]. haha me and melissa were obsessing over our weights again. ewww.
heh, till now i have gotten 3 xmas cards and 5 presents. personalised necklace from fel, cute disney cup from jinyao, some cute cup holder thingy from irene, a tin of winniethepooh cookies from huiwei and a ring from xingyi! (= so happy. and xmas cards from melissa, irene and jinyao. im making a list because im feeling thankful for everything.
i guess the joy of giving does do wonders to you (:

HOHOHO, merry xmas everyone! <3

2004-12-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

thank you for your apology, though it wasnt your fault (: it made me feel loads better. just that simple sorry...it made my day. i mean, we all err. we should be given second chances. I know you were hurt, as much as we were. if not more. in fact, i think you deserve a big big public apology from me. SORRY, K *hugs*
ok anyway. choir today. some people made me realise there are other things to look forward to. so always look on the bright side of life :D. like, she can praise her to the skies...whatever. anyhow, what they do to each other or with each other, from now on, is none of my business. i should just concentrate on more important stuff. like for example, how not to go sharp as i happily como tuuuuuuuu away, or to listen to the other sections as we sing. really, there's so much to learn =)
oh well. what can i say.AMANDY BANANA'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im being to like my life a little more already.

** and to you; look. i said sorry already.

2004-12-18T06:55:00.000-08:00

we have two weeks of the holidays left. and come to think of it, i have sort of been wasting away my time, sometimes doing nothing, idling about, i feel kind of useless and guilty. and so much has happened recently, suddenly so many people are leaving me. and this tidal sense of loss just leaves me thinking...
and ive tried so hard. but she doesnt care. she just doesn give a damn how i feel. i mean, if you dont mean what you say, keep the words of empty promises. dont get my hopes so high up, and then make me fall. im just a subsitute for...for anyone. now that she's got her she doesnt need me anymore.
anyway ive decided to look past things. get over them. they arent everything. i still have happy stuff to look forward to and there are other people who love me. just move on, dont wallow in the hurt or anguish. sometimes it just isnt worth it. after everything u've given to this friendship, it can just break overnight. its true. and its sad. very. especially the one who's always been giving. selflessly...
on a lighter note. when school reopens i'll have so many things to keep me busy i wont even have time to think about these stuff. like, the 5 day week plan is officially launching next year. and do the math. everyday after school i have 2 days for third language. 2 days for choir. 2 days for air rifle. ive got to let something go... and if the school gives me a choice between the 2... i dont know. really. its so difficult.
really looking forward to seeing everyone again ; all the 103 people - fel irene...bao, bernice...everyone. amandy banana, i havent talked to her for ages. and all the overseas people.
sometimes i get really sick of it. its like we are uselessly repeating what we have been doing over the days, the weeks...and its not really that effective too. and sometimes i really want to dismiss the rest of the world, with a wave of my hand, snuggle in bed, go to sleep. and never wake up for a long time.
but whatever.

Tribute (?) to the choir.

2004-12-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

The outing to sentosa is over. We were supposed to bond, and not that that aim has been fully achieved, but it did give us a chance to know the people we thought we would never know.
God. Time sure passes in a whirl. In the twinkling of an eye we have been in the choir for a YEAR. It seemed only like yesterday when we were all the young, fresh, new souls of the choir, and were all "so cuuuuuuuuuuute!". Actually I think we started to notice the people around us only during the concert preparation period. I remembered we'll look at E, and get all awed and inspired by her firmness and determination, and we wished from a distance that we could have some of E2's boldness and forthrightness. Within our own section there was N and Y, who were always mildlessly goofing about and amusing us with their idiosyncratic antics and very laughable jokes. And L, who leaded us with so much passion and zest we secretly hoped she would stay in choir forever. Then there was E3, another leader, another example. And N2, someone so kind and gentle and sweet.And yea, we adored them to bits. Of course there were some pretty bad times, and we would look at R and N4 and S and some other seniors and wonder why they were so "unreasonable", "impossible", "demanding" and "bimbiotic", but we as we grow, we came to realise that they werent "unreasonable", they are all quite nice people actually. not THAT demanding either; they just had very high expectations for us. I wont comment on the bimbiotic statement though.Whatever it is, it's been a year, and next year we are all going to be seniors of our own. I hope to be an inspiration to all my juniors too, will not hold them in contempt or scorn at them since the feeling sucks, and we know how it feels. Heh.
Next year SYF, we are gonna reach for that gold and grab it.
And hmm, if not for being in choir, I would never have known 2 of the greatest friends Ive made in my life. One, the one who shares my obsession for "maintaining our weights and sizes!" and my paranoia for "omg i ATE SO MUCH im gonna be SO FAT!". THe one who always groaned with me when i needed empathy, or sympathy, and ok yea, the one who is always there to flatten my ego overload when I get too high and mighty, but still, you are a great friend, and I love you.
And you, you are my senior and I love you, and i dont know whats going to happen, if its going to go on or break up, but well all good things must come to an end, and whatever you are doing, believe in yourself that you are doing the right thing. You've inspired me in so many different little ways and brought light to my life, and really, not many people could have done that. I am not going to say I love you in case you puke, but well, you are equally a great friend, whatever happens.
Aww, im getting all sappy. back to the outing. I think the two very lovely seniors who organised this trip for us should be commended for their effort of bringing the choir closer together as one, its VERY important to have bonds within a group so that we can all work together better. to some it may be a useless ambition but its a great intention to us. And I have to say I had much fun goofing around in the sea, drawing in the sand and playing in the sun, it was great really, and choir rocks my socks. forever.

BLARH!

2004-12-14T22:03:00.000-08:00

i hate it. i feel like im like pushing myself too much. like i keep cutting down on my daily food intake and exercise and exercise and exercise. and keep lifting the two dumb dumbells. BLARH. i have no idea why im doing what im doing. and and just now. i kept playing the piano. and exerted so much strength and force. GRR I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING. then afterpoaying for 10 minutes im already like dogtired and worn out. I HATE FRUSTRATING MYSELF TO TEARS ON THE PIANO!
EEKS. someone save me before I suffocate T_T
i look at my entries and i think: stupid, incessant grumblings of a demented, deranged, depressed, desparate girl ><

oh well. 5 more days.

5.more.days.

f.i.v.e means 1,2,3,4,5 FIVE.

which means, πέντε. fünf. vijf. cinque. cinq. cinco. 5, 5, 5, 5, 5.

just 5. (:

Nothing much.

2004-12-14T15:39:00.000-08:00

pour vous; Sigh, is it you or is it just me, but i feel that we are drifting so, so apart, and the distance between us increases.
Je ne sais pas quoi faire
I really hope we'll still maintain our friendship, like it always has been since the start of time.
parce que je t'aime toujours.

had choir today. nothing much. tomorrow theres a choir outing to sentosa. not too many people are going, sigh. my decision's still wavering though. but 90% i'll go. unless melissa suddenly cannot make it-thats melissa GOH for you, KERRYN-hmm but, so little people going only. nvm nvm. i hope the weather'll be good(: then we can all have a good time in the sun and fun!

Hmmmm.

2004-12-14T08:40:00.000-08:00

1. SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED?pcps. nygh.
2. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? a (:
3. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? slept at 12 woke up at 8
4. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP? THERE
S CHOIR AT 11!!!! AM I GOING TO BE LATE!!!
5. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? glasses, alarm clock, scrunchie, red bean bear from pingfang from very long ago, some paper cranes.
6. EVER TRIED TO SKIP MEALS? yes. i'm always on a diet .
7. GRILLED OR FRIED? grilled, fried is way too unhealthy for me.
8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE TO OTHER PEOPLE? there's only one ME in the whole wide world.
9. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? Heh, no.
10. FAVORITE HANGOUT? my room.
11. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? air, food and water.
12. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1THOUSAND DOLLARS? hide it.
13. FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPY? lullabies?
14. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Losing the people i love.
15. ARE YOU WILLING NOT TO TAKE A BATH FOR ONE DAY? Yea.
16. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? jiajia, minmin, ah min, woman, garfield, sister
17. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME?-
18. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED? shutter *shudders*
19. INVISIBLE FOR A DAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? play pranks! (;
20. STUCK ON A DESERT ISLAND & COULD HAVE ONLY ONE KIND OF FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? chocolate!
21. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? KfC chicky Club. lol or any commercial that shows food.
22. IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WILL YOU DO? tell the ones i love i love them.
23. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE? my letters.
24. YOUR EYE COLOR? brownish black
25. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS CARRY? handphone. ocean plait. wallet.
26. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? i wanted to perform forever.
27. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7 AM? zZzzZ
28. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? checkers with varying sizes and shades of purple
29. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET TODAY? felicia.

ERGHHH! my links! i lost all my links BOOOOO. >< have to go compile them AGAIN, sigh.
5 more days to go(:

My only wish;

2004-12-13T17:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I took a walk in the snow
Couples holding hands, places to go
Seems like everyone but me is in love
Santa can you hear me

I signed my letter that's sealed with a kiss
I sent it off, and just said this
I know exactly what I want this year
Santa can you hear me

I want my baby, baby
I want someone to love me And someone to hold
Maybe, maybe (maybe, maybe)
I'll be on my own and I'll be thankful

Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year

Christmas Eve, I just can't sleep
Would I be wrong, for taking a peek?
Cause I heard that you're comin' to town
Santa can you hear me

I really hope that you're on your way
With something special for me in your sleigh
Oh please make my wish come true
Santa can you hear me

I want my baby, baby
I want someone to love me
And someone to hold
Maybe, maybe (maybe, maybe)
We'll be all alone under the mistletoe

Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year

I hope my letter reaches you in time
Bring me a love, I can call all mine
'Cause I have been so good, so good this year
Happy alone, under the mistletoe He's all I want and I'll be thankful

Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year
(Oh Santa, can you hear me?)
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year Santa that's my only wish this year